Singer, Seeker, Survivor
I am a 29 year old graphic designer and theater artist.
I had sex at the age of 4.
As a child, my caretaker, a curious pubescent maid was in charge of bathing me. I admit, I was a notorious kid, always troubling everyone around me. I would often make a mess splashing around in the bath tub as she tried to keep me calm and get me cleaned. I vividly remember her expressions when I’d splash water on her. One day, she was going to meet her family, being short on time, to save her cloths from getting soiled, she decided to bathe me while being naked too. I don’t remember what exactly happen that day but I remember we eventually struck a deal, I behave myself if she bathes me naked and this was to be secret. It wasn’t long before we started feeling, smelling, tasting, poking, spreading, bending, and trying all sorts of things. I lost my virginity playing “Ringa Ringa Roses” with my penis inside my maid.
My maid got sacked shortly after and when I told my new maid of the games I wanted to play, she was so taken aback I was completely embarrassed. This was the first time I thought that what we experienced was unnatural.
Till date I am not sure if my maid was deliberate about all that happen, if her curiosity got the better of her or it was just a organic progression of a series of events. I don’t believe that in condemnation, being bitter, sour or negative. I believe what happen to me happen for a reason. My sexual awareness, emotional intelligence and many other things developed quite ahead of its time. The lens through which I see life is quite different from others, but it has blessed me with insight into the human body and its nature.
Those early moments were the beginning of a life dedicated to analyzing, processing, studying and discussing human sexuality and repression. What happens, when and how, what is good and what is bad.
A consequence of my very early sexual awakening was my brain being flooded with chemicals and hormones that normally would have started being produced and released much later in life. Simple things like physical contact or conversation and relating with the opposite sex were a challenge.
At the age of 10, I was going through my school library when I found a book on the human reproductive system. It had a naked picture of a lady. It made my boy parts grow and tingle. I borrowed that book and never returned it. I would secretly stare at that image and feel good, not knowing what was really happening.
One faithful day, my life changed forever, I found magazine which had a picture of a woman in a feeding bra with one side open. It turned me on so much that I snuck into the bathroom. Staring at the picture, my imagination running wild, there was something about how accessible her breast was and how it could be conveniently stimulated got my fingers was running circles around my parts and before I knew it, I had my first glorious orgasm.
The days, weeks and months that followed I found every possible way I could to relieve myself. My hand, vegetables, gloves, the shower, you name it, I’ve probably done it. Life was never the same, taking care of myself, my libido under control, human interaction, school and life was finally normalized.
This was the beginning of my epiphany, in the years to come I grew convicted. If only my maid knew how to take care of herself, if only there was dialogue, if only sex and masturbation wasn’t such a big taboo. Women, like men have deep sexual needs, and women grow sexually curious too, and it is completely fine for a woman to satisfy herself too. It is when there is no outlet for this sexual energy, unnecessary things happen.
The taboo that surrounds women masturbation is something that deeply affects me. This site is my first attempt to begin the dialogue. To educate as many women as possible that masturbation is not bad, but it is good, healthy and positive.