Journal Entry 2 – I am a bad human.

I can’t get him out of my head. I simply can’t. I feel like I am a terrible human and a bad influence with a disgusting mind.

It’s been a little over a week since my last journal. I have been too busy to give myself a day to rest. I’m going on a trip next week with my family, the planning has been crazy. My company has almost finished with the new merger, and things have been absolute chaos. Some of my dearest colleagues and seniors have lost their jobs to replacements from the new company. Things have finally started to wind down the last couple of days. 

Last week, a few people joined my department. Like all other project divisions, I, too, got a new supervisor, Mr. Gaurav Kamra. A man in his late 40s looks too young for his age, honestly. He was married, with a son of 8 years. Kind, but oddly strict. We had our first orientation last Monday, we were all given presentation topics, and today was the presentation.

The presentation went well. But the problem was when Mr. Kamra started his presentation.

He was refined, smooth and charismatic. I lost a second there, just admiring the view. The presentation was too interesting to miss. 

For the next few days, there was no interaction. Mr. Kamra sent everyone documents to work on. He came by for inspection today morning. He went around everyone’s desk, hovering over them to their computers. I was kinda excited for him to come over to mine. He did!

I introduced myself, explained the status of my project. I sat down, started the demo with him standing behind me. He hovered over me to the computer. I forgot what I was saying. He was wearing a fresh cologne, making him smell like he was fresh out of the show. 

I sat there, frozen with him doing something on my screen. I wanted so bad to make my face touch his. I couldn’t. 

 I imagined brushing my lips against his face, with him smelling delicious. 

My nipples tense under my fingers. I give them a gentle squeeze, warming up my insides. I let out my breath, sliding my hands under my leggings. 

It’s cold today. It’s a little too quiet. The blanket over me feels nice. 

I rub my clit from over my underwear. My thoughts took me to him, I imagine him turning his face round to meet mine, we stay like that, devouring our scent. His lips closing over mine. 

 I slide my hands inside, rubbing my clit harder. What I would do to kiss that man right now. He looked so firm and strong, I couldn’t imagine the way he could fuck me.

My hips gained momentum, I pulled on my clit harder, I could feel electricity going through my insides to my legs. I wanted more. I slid two of my fingers inside me. I was drenched wet. I kept pushing my fingers in harder. I wanted to be buried by his weight on me. 

I brought my right hand over my clit, my left hand still in my pussy, feeling the warm flesh. My toes started curling, I could feel my insides clenching tight for life. I let out a moan. I imagined him licking me down my neck, onto my chest.

Fuck! I gasped. I ran breathless, my insides feeling wet and flushed. I pulled out my fingers, they were wet. I came. 

 I got up and went to the bathroom to wash myself off. I sat there for a moment, breathing, thinking what the fuck was wrong with me. Thinking about a man married and in his 40s. I have to see him tomorrow.

 I suddenly remembered that I had a boyfriend. I felt so freaking embarrassed. Wondering why I’m thinking about him when I should only think about Kaustav. Isn’t this cheating?

I got on my bed, took my phone, and am writing this down. It’s New Year’s Eve tomorrow.  I’ll be meeting Kaustav. Should I tell him about Mr. Kamra? 

 Bad idea. I am going to sleep now.

Journal Entry 2 – Wanting the Real

This time, what lead me to masturbate was when I realized there existed different types of penis. I ended googling up images of the types of penis, the circumcised and uncircumcised dicks made me horny, and I just wanted to feel them inside me…or at least experience giving a blowjob.

I preferred the non-circumcised one, as I could imagine myself moving it to and fro, to see the yummy pink tip of the dick and just suck it. I couldn’t stop myself from masturbating and feeling the pleasure. So, I use a bottle, which is a pocket soap container, and looks like a dick! I use it while masturbating often, in situations when I am too high and unable to control it.

I just closed the doors and grabbed it, removed everything I wore underneath….sat on the floor with my legs wide open, and teased my pussy with its tip. Fluid simply started to flow gradually out of the doors of my vagina, as  I continued playing around my wet pussy, and then it was time to let it in and just feel like the dick inside.

But I still missed feeling an uncircumcised dick, a real dick that could cum like hell. I had no choice on how to feel it in reality, all I could do is imagine the dick-shaped bottle as one, for now.

Also, I love the way how we can give movement while a dick is actually inside the hole, the muscular movement, that gives contractions would be pleasuring for both, the man and the woman in real life. I start to imagine, how the feeling would be, to have those moments, the tender inner parts feeling each other, just like how the tongue does the talking, during a French kiss.

 I could not stop rubbing the tip of my toy, around my vagina, simply to feel that arousal and increase the lubrication. After playing around them for like 15 minutes, I again let it in, and simply sat crossing my legs all tightened up. Once, I opened the legs and took the toy out, looking back at it, filled with off-white coloured fluid around, seemed juicy. I get the temptation to taste it, only very rarely, and so this time, I did not feel so.

The dick like bottle which I use is transparent, and hence, sometimes I feel it does not completely satisfy me. Still, I would always love to appreciate its 5.2-inch length, which allows me to feel it deep inside my vagina. Also, that makes it easy for me to vibrate and rotate it along the deep and shallow hole.

As I let it in and take it out, the movement gives me a lot of fun pleasure, and yeah it’s just fun, as I punch the tip to the depths within my whole, hurts a bit and makes me mourn. I usually don’t make loud noises while I pleasure myself, with a fear that people would hear me. But yes, when I get an opportunity to be alone at home, at the same time feel horny, I make the best out of it. Haan, so this time too, it is happening in that mild and moody noise, which I have to control that it does not cross the walls.

I have been using it only to try them on my vaginal hole, but wish to try using them on my butt- hole as well so that I could get a more realistic position while doing the same.

I continued to punch them in and out of my lubricated pussy and rub the fluid on my hairy vagina, which isn’t shaved for about a few months. All of a sudden, that gave me a hype, and I ended up doing the same for almost 10 minutes after that continuously. Well, that was such unexpected energy all of a sudden, that has, fortunately, lead me to the state of climax and what not!

My energy and interest to pursue have dropped by now, with zero lubrication thereafter. Usually, I feel a dry vagina with a burning sensation after such sudden and continuous situations while masturbating. But this time, it wasn’t as much as usual, maybe because I used a toy, rather than my fingers.

To conclude, this time the session attracted me in enjoying the deeper stretches and movements of my vagina, and not letting me concentrate on any other body part or to feel the beauty of them. After all, I felt more like I had sex and experienced a  long and non-circumcised penis inside me except for the fact that the toy was less flexible. The experience this time, allowed me to enjoy a relaxed evening, leaving all worries apart!